I have a love/hate relationship with emotions. I love all the "warm fuzzy" ones and hate the ones that bring me to the door of emotional closets that I don't want to know what's inside. Lately, my least favorite emotion is being vulnerable. I haven't had a great track record with this emotion. It's like some emotional kryptonite! Leaves you with your heart laid bare, and feeling weak.
Here's my thought...okay, to let people deeper into our hearts is risky business, but sometimes what comes out of letting people into such a fragile place in our lives is worth the risk. I have experienced it from both sides...the good and the bad.
I'm overly cautious, but I want to have wreckless abandon. I wonder??? What's the worst thing that could happen? My answer...a lot. So, it is a proceed with caution area in my life.
My heart wants SO much to love on the deeper levels. Levels like Christ goes to, without fearing the pain. He is always willing to pay the price for a deeper relationship. I think of all the times Jesus is standing there with arms open wide, and I am so unaware of such great love.
There's a song by, Sanctus Real called: I'm Not Alright Some of the words are: "I only want to be loved, but I feel safe behind the firewall. Could I lose my need to impress? If you want the truth, I need to confess. I'm not alright...I'm broken inside. Broken inside, and all I go through it leads me to You. It leads me to You. Put away the pride...bring me to my weakness till everything I hide behind is gone. When I am old and wise and nothing left to cling to, only You are there to lead me on...cuz, honestly I'm not that strong. I'm not alright. I'm broken inside. Broken inside.
Aren't we all, in some way(s), broken inside? Is there anyone out there besides Jesus who is willing to love us to wholeness? I want to be one of those people who can take it. One who is willing to suffer. One who can endure the pain, for the joy set before them.
When Jesus told us that He would not discard the broken reed, He saw the value others did not. I'm sure we need new eyes to see! Most of the time we would rather wear blinder's, it is safe. Those who play it safe will only go to the places everyone else has gone to, but others will have the blessing of loving on a level others will only hear about.
The price is high...Lord, give me the courage to be willing to pay the price!
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